Presence

OBJECTIVES

• Show up to the meeting in the right way, with positive energy, an intention to genuinely connect with the client, and fully present in the moment.
• Be authentic in how you listen to the client and engage with them.
• Communicate with confidence, clarity, and credibility.
• Inspire your client to take action.

CHALLENGES

• While it is essential to align your solutions to your client’s challenges, it is not enough. Your “presence” will arguably be the difference between being average and better than the rest.
• For most, the content of your presentation is your comfort zone, so you spend all your prep time getting this just right and little to no time working on your presence.

WHAT IS PRESENCE

Presence is what other people experience when they spend time with you. It is how we communicate, connect with, and influence others. Some people have it in spades. We notice it the minute they walk in a room, and we find ourselves instantly drawn to them. It is an energy we pick up from them, the way they carry themselves, and the seeming effortless impact they have on other people.

“Presence” separates the great presenters from the average. You know it when you see it.

• People with great “presence” have a sense of ease, poise, and self-assurance.
• They have an uncanny ability to read the situation and know exactly how to communicate their message and authentically connect with their audience.
• They show genuine regard for their clients and have a passionate belief that their solutions will help the client reach their objectives.

You know it when you feel it.

• You feel inspired by what they are saying and how they are saying it.
• You intuitively trust them.
• You believe that they care about you and truly want what is in your best interest.

TECHNIQUES

Let’s break this down into techniques you can use to elevate your presence.

A. Make a great first impression

Within the first 7 seconds of meeting, people will have a solid impression of who you are — and some research suggests a tenth of a second is all it takes to start determining traits like trustworthiness.
Forbes

1. Appearance

Consider the industry, geography, company culture, and company dress code when deciding what to wear. Then dress one notch above them as a sign of respect.

For example, if a company’s dress code is jeans and polos, men might choose khakis and a button-down, not a suit and tie. Women might wear slacks and a blouse, or a dress without a jacket and go light on the accessories.

• Be well-groomed and dress appropriately for the situation.
• Choose clothing that makes you feel confident but is true to your own sense of style.
• Take time for self-care so you show up looking well-rested and alert.

2. Posture

Good posture makes you come across as more confident and will increase your own feeling of confidence.

• Keep your shoulders back and head held high.

3. Your handshake

People form an impression of you based on the quality of your handshake. A firm shake conveys confidence, strength, warmth, honesty, and openness among other good character traits.

Follow two rules for a firm handshake.

• The webbing between your thumb and index finger should meet the same spot on the other person’s hand, and
• Your shake should be firm, not weak or crushing.

The handshake is the universally accepted signal of professionalism, politeness, and confidence. A good handshake is a fine art; a tricky balance between a tight squeeze and a limp stroke. It needs to say “I mean business” and also “I’m cooperative,” so perfect it beforehand.
Business Insider

4. Smile

A smile not only relaxes your body, it can also lower your heart rate and blood pressure.

When you smile, you are viewed as attractive, reliable, relaxed, and sincere. When the client sees you smiling, they feel rewarded. It makes them feel good, so they smile back. You are creating a symbiotic relationship.

5. Make eye contact

Eye contact projects confidence and authority, and it says “you are important to me, and I am giving you my full and undivided attention.”

6. Speak slowly and use natural language

Speaking slowly is a sign of poise, ease, and self-assurance. It sets a comfortable tone and pace for the meeting.

7. Use natural language

Natural (plain) language is language your client can hear and understand the first time. Resist the urge to use more complex language than is needed; it too often confuses your client.

B. Create the right emotional climate

1. You get what you give.

Daniel Goleman, in his book Social Intelligence, explains that we have the power to influence the “emotional climate” of our interactions with others. He explains that how you show up in a meeting affects your client’s behavior because there is a direct cause and effect.

Your client is more likely to be comfortable if you are calm and relaxed, more likely to speak openly if you show vulnerability, and more likely to listen if you are attentive.

2. Use your presence to lift or shift the client’s energy.

Tune into your client’s mood and what is going on with them emotionally and physically. Then tap into your presence by simply being YOU.

• Natural and confident
• Authentic and passionate
• Attentive and empathetic
• Vulnerable and honest

C. Be guided by genuine curiosity

Your presence lights up when you are guided by a genuine curiosity to understand all you can about your client. In doing so, you create what Amy Edmonson, Harvard Business School, coined “psychological safety”, a sense of being in it together through a desire to learn and make things better, guided by curiosity and vulnerability.

1. Convey your interest through your tone, body language, and facial expressions.

2. Be attentive when you are listening and use follow-up questions to let them know you understand and want more.

D. Behave in a way that communicates openness and a desire to connect

1. Start by “fronting” the client.

Square your body so you are directly facing them. This stance puts them literally in the center of your universe.

2. Free your mind of clutter and remain present.

Resist thinking about what you are going to say or ask next, and just listen.

3. Pretend the person you are with is the most interesting person you have ever met.

Really imagine it and act accordingly. Then stop pretending, this is when your presence will shine.

4. Mirror positive non-verbals.

• Lean in when they do.
• Match the pace and volume of your client’s speech when they are excited or interested.
• Mirror eye contact and hand gestures.

Mirroring them signals unconsciously to the client that you like them. Be subtle when mirroring. Keep it natural.

5. Triple nod.

Research shows that when you nod three times the client will speak 3 to 4 times longer because they feel listened to and important.

Research also shows that because you are agreeing with them this builds what scientists call a “yes set”. “Yes sets” build emotional connection.

E. Be passionate about what you are selling

Speak from your heart and you will never be just average.

1. The client is not going to care unless they see that you care. They want to feel your excitement and commitment. 

• Use emotive words when talking about the things that you are proud of, that you think are cool, make you different, or make a difference to your client. Use adjectives like “ideal, great, strong, perfect for…”
• Use your full body to convey your message.
• Your voice patterns will naturally change when you are emotionally connected. Flow with it.
• Stories have the power to bring your point to life. Tell stories in the present tense. Make the client feel like they are there with you, that they can see, touch, and feel exactly what you are describing.
  

2. Bring positive energy to the meeting; it will have a mirroring effect on the client. Your passion and enthusiasm will rub off on them, and you will see it in their eyes, facial expressions, and body language. Ultimately, you will see it in the decision they make.

ADVANTAGES TO YOU

• Your client will trust you enough to share information about their business objectives, challenges, hopes, and desires.
• They will be open to your insights and solutions.
• They will believe that you have their best interests at heart.
• You will be more engaged, more comfortable, and more natural.
• You will be completely focused on this moment.

ADVANTAGES TO THE CLIENT

• They will feel drawn to you as we are to people with a strong personal presence.
• There will be a sense of trust.
• They will feel inspired and energized.
• They will be open to and interested in understanding the value you bring.

EXERCISE

ROLE-PLAY

Role-playing may feel clunky and awkward at first, but feedback is the best way to understand how you come across to your clients, and role-playing is a safe and valuable way to build skills and confidence.

Ask a coach or colleague to role-play with you and provide feedback.

1. Before you begin, tell your coach that you are looking for feedback specific to your presence. Examples:

• How is your first impression — eye contact, handshake, poise, self-assurance?
• How well do you tune into your client’s mood and energy, and use your presence to lift or shift their energy?
• How well do you show your interest in them?
• How genuine are you?
• How attentive are you when they are talking?
• How do you leave them feeling?

2. Engage in the role-play. Dive into character. Your coach or colleague will follow your lead. Consider starting from the first moment you greet the client.

3. Ask for feedback from your coach. Encourage them to be candid, not to soft-pedal.

4. Thank them.

5. Role-play again, with the same or new content, applying the feedback your coach just gave you.

RELATED LESSONS

Emotional Buying Decisions

Communication Skills

Asking Questions

Listening and Responding

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