Listening and Responding

OBJECTIVES

• Be completely present when your client is talking.
• Listen for their challenges and opportunities.
• Demonstrate your empathy.
• Demonstrate your expertise.

CHALLENGES

• Everyone wants to talk. Your client wants to talk about their opinions and challenges and you want to talk about your solutions.
• You see questions as taking time from things you want to cover which gets in the way of your listening.
• When the client asks a question and you are not sure what they are asking you have a tendency to respond with your best guess and hope it works.
• When they are talking, you are thinking about your next page in the pitch book or what you are going to say next.
• You half listen because you assume you have heard this before.
• You are bored so your listening drops.
• You are impatient because you are thinking you know more about this than they do.

TECHNIQUES

A. Embrace the idea that clients want to talk and ask questions

Sometimes it feels like questions are taking time away from the important things you want to cover, and you find yourself wanting to shut them down. Instead, think of questions as a gift. When your client is talking and asking questions it means they are interested and want to engage.

In fact, the questions they ask give you insights into what's on their mind. The more you learn the better you will be able to attach your value to things that matter most to them.

Use your body language to show that you welcome questions.

B. Actively listen

One of the most important jobs you have in a meeting is to listen. Whether your client is responding to a question you asked or asking a question of you, how actively you listen will directly impact the outcome of the meeting.

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Here are three skills that are core to active listening:

1. Be present.

• Come to a complete stop and give yourself over to listening.

Free your mind of everything else. Stop the internal talk. Stop thinking about what you should say or ask next.

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• Be patient and let the client finish.

Do not rush them or jump in too quickly. Resist the urge to speak over them, even if you think it is just to agree.

• Listen with your ears, your eyes, and your body.

To encourage the client to talk, maintain eye contact, nod your head up and down, and lean in.

Pay attention not just to what they are saying, but also to their tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. These non-verbal cues will give you important insight into their level of engagement and what they do and do not care about.

Are they leaning in, arms open or crossed?

Are they looking at you or to the side or down?

Are they smiling or serious?

2. Be empathetic.

• Imagine yourself in their situation.

Where are they coming from and why? Go there with them.

What do they value and why? Feel what it’s like to be them.

• Mirror their mannerisms to silently express empathy.

• Repeat the last 3 words they said.

This will keep them talking, revealing more information for you to work with.

3. Be curious and excited to learn.

• Be genuinely curious and interested in wanting to understand what they are thinking.

Keep it natural and conversational. Your interest in them will get them talking. What you learn will help you align your story to what matters to them.

• Pretend you will be quizzed on what they are saying. This will keep you highly engaged.
• Listen for their challenges and opportunities.
• Take notes!

This tells the client that what they are saying is important and the key points you write down will help you remember and guide the rest of the conversation.

If you take notes on a smartphone or tablet, it is critical that tell them this is what you are doing. Otherwise, the client will assume you are multi-tasking.

Example:

“I will be taking notes on my device so I can be sure to capture important information to help guide our discussion.”

C. Respond in a way that uses their questions to your advantage

Never take their question at face value. Whatever they ask first is usually not really what’s on their mind. Unless it is blatantly obvious, your chance of guessing what their question really meant is slim.

When they ask a question, it is an opportunity to get them to open up, to find out what is really driving the question.

There are three ways to approach client’s questions. Let’s explore each of these:

Option 1 Give a short answer and then ask an open-ended question.

This approach is best used when the question is factual or technical in nature or if it requires a “yes/no” response.

Make no assumptions about what is behind their question. They may be looking to use your technical answer to make a value judgement. You will not know how they are going to use it, or whether your answer is good or bad on a relative basis unless you pull more out of them.

• Give them the short answer to the literal question.

Example:

“The specific answer to your question is...”

• Then, ask your open-ended question.

Use it as a springboard to get them talking because everything you learn will help you position your story and your solutions moving forward.

Examples:

Start with “The specific answer to your question is ...” Then follow with:

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Start with “The specific answer to your question is ...” Then follow with any one of the following:
“Now tell me more, what is it about X that is important to you?”
“How does that fit into your thinking?”
“How do you feel about (whatever you just said).”
“What is it about X that is of greatest interest to you?”
“This is something we think a lot about, so where can I drill down in more detail for you?”

Option 2 Rephrase and probe.

• Repeat what they asked back to them in a slightly different way, pulling out what you think they are really asking rather than the literal translation of what they said. Then ask them to expand.

By rephrasing their question, you are helping them rethink what they really want to know, and you are saying to them “I am listening. It matters to me that I get this right. “.

Examples:

“So that I make sure I am giving you what you want, you are asking…(rephrase what they asked with a slightly different spin). Is this correct?”
“I can understand why you are asking about (rephrase the question). Tell me a little bit more about what you are thinking.”
“This came up the other day…(rephrase it). It's a big topic so what specifically are you most interested in?” — This shows them they are timely and brilliant.

• Check in and ask if you got it right.

If you are correct, answer your version of the question. Remember to focus on how they benefit from what you are saying. If you are wrong, they will correct you and you will learn even more about how they are thinking.

• Then answer the REAL question, and be succinct and to the point.

Do not throw in a lot of other information because you think you see an opening to make an unrelated sales point or turn it into a teaching moment. While that sales point may be important in the overall discussion, it can be irritating to the client to do it here. It signals you are making it all about you and your needs, rather than theirs.

Option 3 Ask for clarification first, then restate the question and confirm.

• If the question is vague or really big and you need them to narrow it down, or if the question is narrow and you are not sure of the context for it, do not give an answer. Instead, ask a question to draw them out and clarify what they are really asking. More than likely, they will ask their question differently and it will be clearer this time.

This approach can be risky if they feel like you are ducking them, so when you ask your clarifying question be sure to tell them why you are asking.

Examples:

“That is a good question, but can you tell me more about what you are thinking so I can be sure I cover what is most important to you?”
“So that I make sure I am on point, tell me a bit more about what you are looking for?”
“When a client asks that, they are usually concerned with X and I want to be sure I am on track....What are you thinking?”

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• If you are completely befuddled by the question, double click on a key word.

Examples:

“You said (key word), tell me how you define (key word) in this case?”
“Tell me a little bit more about what you mean by (key word).”

They may very well change their question now that you have given them time to think it through. The second, revised question they ask is more considered and therefore more important than the first.

• Restate the new question, using slightly different language, and ask if you have it right.

If you do not get it exactly right, it’s okay because they will see they were not clear and will think it through again, and you will learn more when they correct you.

Once you have clarity on the question, it is easier for you to get to a succinct and meaningful answer. It saves you from wandering all over the place searching for an answer you hope hits the mark.

• Respond succinctly and to the point once you have clarity on the question.

The longer your answer to their question, the more the client thinks you are searching for the answer while you talk. You risk coming across as not knowing the answer since you cannot get to it quickly.

A long answer also makes it harder for the client to find the nugget they were looking for.

ADVANTAGES TO YOU

• Verbal and non-verbal behaviors that focus on the other person have been shown to increase likability.
• You help your clients refine their thoughts and learn valuable information that helps the rest of the conversation.
• Using their questions to better understand their challenges, gives you the information you need to connect your key messaging to what matters most to them. This is a story that will sound very attractive to the client.
• You show you are listening by the questions you ask, conveying genuine interest, confidence, and care.
• Active listening and using client questions as an opportunity to engage them will turn a good meeting into a great meeting and can easily be the difference between winning and losing.

ADVANTAGES TO THE CLIENT

• The meeting feels to the client less like a business presentation and more like a healthy conversation about how you can help them achieve their business goals.
• You give them an opportunity to think about what is really important to them and an opportunity to talk it through.

EXERCISE

ROLE-PLAY

Ask a coach or colleague to role-play with you. They will play the role of the client, so it is best if they can think like a client of yours.

It may feel clunky and awkward at first but role-playing is a valuable way to build skills and confidence. Rehearsing is where we are able to work out our kinks in a safe and constructive environment. With practice you will listen, rephrase, and ask follow-up questions with more ease and fluidity.

1. Before you begin, tell your coach that you are looking for feedback specific to listening and responding. Give them this list of things to look for:

a) How well do your facial expressions and body language demonstrate your listening?

b) How well do you rephrase or restate what they say?

c) How well do you use their words when restating or rephrasing?

d) How do your follow-up questions make them feel?

e) How genuinely interested do you seem to be in them?

2. Ask your coach to engage in the role-play conversation as they would in real life. If they have a question, they should interrupt you and ask it.

3. Dive into character. Your coach or colleague will follow your lead. Begin by presenting a short section of your presentation in order to set the context for your coach.

4. If your coach is quiet, ask them a question that you plan to ask the client.

5. When your coach responds, in the persona of the client, listen with full engagement. Take notes if needed.

6. Respond using one of the three techniques and let the conversation run its course. The three techniques are:

a) Give a short answer and ask an open-ended question.

b) Rephrase and probe.

c) Ask for clarification first, then restate the question and confirm.

7. You have now completed Round One. Ask for feedback from your coach.

8. Role-play again, with the same or new content, and apply the feedback your coach just gave you.

9. Continue with this exercise until you feel more confident and it comes across as natural and smooth to your coach.

RECOMMENDED READING

NY Times: How to Be a Better Listener

RELATED LESSONS

Asking Questions

Presence

Communication Skills

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