Asking Questions

OBJECTIVES

• Fully engage your client by getting them to think and talk.
• Enhance your client’s experience by asking questions that get at what is most important to them.
• Make your client feel heard and understood, which helps you build the relationship you need to obtain your desired outcome.

CHALLENGES

• You do most of the talking because you want to impress your client with information and details about your solution.
• Your time with the client is short and you have a long pitch book to get through, so you don’t believe there’s time to ask questions or start a conversation that might take the meeting down a rabbit hole.
• You stay on script so you can control the meeting rather than yield airtime to let the client tell their story.
• You want to preempt objections, not invite them, so you keep talking in an attempt to address their questions before they have a chance to ask them.
• When you ask questions, you need to listen to their response and so many things get in the way of your ability to listen. You are thinking about what want to say next rather than listening to what they are saying to you. You are preparing your next question or how you will present your next slide. Or, you lose focus, a victim of your own lack of attention span.

TYPES OF QUESTIONS

Before we cover questioning techniques, let’s look at the two most important kinds of questions to use in client meetings — open-ended questions and follow-up questions.

1. Open-ended question

An open-ended question cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no”. It generally begins with "What" or "How".

It is designed to open up a dialogue for purposes of learning, not to gather facts. It engages the client by getting them to think and talk. The client’s response helps you understand what is most important to them, what they are worried about, how they think, and what they want to accomplish.

Examples:

“What’s the most important thing you’d like to take from our meeting today?”
“How are you thinking about X…?”
“What has been your experience with Y…?”
“Tell me more about what has worked well for you?”
“What is the one thing that would make this process so much better/easier for you?”

An open-ended question is perceived by the client as a sign of your warmth, curiosity, and empathetic concern.

In turn, it gives you the information you need to shape the way you present your key differentiators and zero in on how your unique solutions fit their situation.

2. Follow-up question

A follow-up question encourages the client to elaborate on what they just said. The client will never say the same exact thing twice; they will elaborate on or fine-tune their prior answer.

It is the MOST IMPORTANT question you can ask but only possible if you have asked an original question and listened carefully to the answer.

Examples:

“That’s so interesting. When you say X what do you mean by that?”
“Tell me a little bit more about that”
“Say that again because I want to make sure I fully understand.”
“You mentioned a couple of things there, tell me more about...”

Follow-up questions make you likable. Studies show that people who ask questions are better liked than those who do not. And those who ask follow-up questions score even higher in likability.

TECHNIQUES

Clients want to talk about their business challenges and their observations before they want to know anything about your solutions. How you engage your clients through questioning will have the greatest impact on how they feel about you and the meeting.

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A. Engage them early on

The meeting is not just about what you want to say, but also about what you want to learn from your client so you can align your key messages with their challenges.

Ask 1-2 open-ended questions during your Opening to gain insights into what is important to them. Focus these questions on something that will help the rest of the conversation. Prepare these in advance.

Examples:

“Given where you are today, what is it that you really want to make sure you get out of today’s conversation?”

“Before I turn it over to Harold, I think it would be very helpful for him to hear a little bit about…This will allow him to focus his comments.”

B. Ask questions to keep them engaged

Throughout the meeting, use open-ended and follow-up questions to widen the conversation, or go deeper on a subject.

a) Widening the conversation

Ask questions to get them talking more expansively, to elaborate and provide more context to the point they are making, or to get them to tie it back to a more global thought or a goal/concern they have at a higher level.

Examples:

“Tell me a little bit more about that.”
“Give me your thoughts on…”
“What else is on your mind?”
“How have you thought about this in the broader context of…?”
“[Repeat the last 3 words of what they just said and nod your head yes. They will keep talking.]

b) Deepening the conversation

Ask questions to go more in-depth on a subject, their answer to a question, or comment they just made.

Examples:

“What do you mean exactly when you say…?”
“You used the word/phrase “…”. Tell me more about that.”
“How does that fit in with your goal of …?”
“Can you give me an example?”
“Within X, what are you thinking will help?
“[Repeat the last 3 words of what they just said and nod your head yes. They will keep talking.]

Make it natural and conversational. Your questions need to be taken as you wanting to understand their situation better and help find a solution for them.

Anytime you ask them to elaborate or go deeper, their second answer will always be better and more helpful to you than their first because they have had a bit more time to think it through and refine it.

C. Pause and be quiet

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Once you have asked a question, pause and be quiet. Do not jump in and expand on the question. Give the client ample time to think.

Let go of all thoughts about what you are going to say next. Trust that it will come to you

Listening is an act of empathy that requires you be comfortable with silence while they sort out their thoughts.

D. Listen, really listen, to their answers

• Be 100% present in the moment. You asked them a question, so now you owe them your undivided attention. Listen for their challenges and opportunities.

• Be an aggressive listener. Sit on the edge of your seat, put your elbows on the table, lean in with your upper body. Let them finish.

• Take notes. The client wants to see you taking notes because it tells them you are fully invested. And, your notes will your reminder aid during and after the meeting.

• Maintain eye contact when not taking notes.

• Mentally review what you heard so you can focus your time today on the solutions that will match their challenges.

E. Restate or rephrase, then confirm

When your client is done talking, either restate what they said, or rephrase it in the form of a challenge or opportunity they have, then check-in to see if you have it right.

Option 1 Restate

Affirm what they said by restating it, succinctly but in a slightly different way. Then check in with them to see if you have it right.

If your restatement is not exact, it’s okay because you will learn more when they correct you.

Option 2 Rephrase

Reflect what you heard them say by rephrasing it in the form of a challenge or opportunity they have. Pull out what you think they are really looking for rather than the literal translation of what they said. This is a great way to begin to shape their thinking.

Again, check in to see if you have it right.

Examples:

"So what you are concerned with/thinking about/trying to accomplish is…Is this correct?”

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“It seems like you are interested in….Do I have this right?”

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“When you say X, have you thought about Y? (or) How does X play into Y?”

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“It sounds like you would like to … Is this correct?”

Avoid using “I” when you restate or rephrase, like “I think…” or “If I understand correctly…”

“I” statements give the impression that you are making it about you, not them. They confuse your client, and can be construed as being merely the way you see things. As a rule, drop the use of “I” altogether unless you are in fact talking about yourself.

Instead, lead with:

“It sounds like…”
“It seems like…”
“It looks like…”

Again, if you get it wrong when you rephrase, don’t worry, you will learn even more when they correct you. By checking in with them, you are making them think more deeply about their response and internalizing the gravity of their situation.

At this point, they are, in effect, finding their own way toward your solutions.

F. Earn the right to keep asking questions

Asking questions makes it about them, but when overused, it may feel to them like an interrogation. To avoid this, you want to make it a practice to ‘earn the right’ to keep asking questions. There are two ways to earn the right:

Option 1 Tell them how they will benefit from answering your question.

This lets them know that you aren’t just curious, you are trying to understand their situation better so you can determine how best you can help. This pulls the client in more effectively than an open-ended question as a stand-alone.

Examples:

“Tell me more because that will really help when we move on to discuss XYZ…”

“To make sure we are getting at what you want, tell me a little more about that.”

“That is a great question and we could probably talk for 15 minutes just on that one topic, but to make the most of your time, tell me what is most important to you.”

“So that we are on point, could you rephrase that?”

Option 2 Give something to get something.

A key to keeping the client engaged is to make them think. So, share what other similar clients have experienced, or share an observation and ask them what they have heard or seen.

Examples:

“Our clients are seeing a lot of change relative to X. What are you seeing and how do you think that will play out over the next 12 months?”

“There is much discussion about Y in the media. How is that impacting the decisions you are making for your business?”

Your observation or the way you preface your question allows you to show you understand them, their situation, and their challenges, which makes it more likely the client will accept your solutions.

When you tell the client how they will benefit from answering your question, they will be more likely to respond generously and in a way that helps you shape the conversation to your advantage.

TIP: Early on in the presentation, ask the client what they have heard or seen, not what they think. Asking them what they think too early can feel threatening to them. It is better to save this for later when you have built a level of trust, and they feel more confident in you and your solutions.

ADVANTAGES TO YOU

• Clients stay engaged because you are making them think and talk.
• You are able to demonstrate you are listening, interested, and care about them.
• Questions help you get to your differentiators faster. When you are asking the right questions, you quickly learn where to focus your story.
• You are able to shepherd the conversation through the questions you ask, directing it to where you want them to be or widening it to learn more.
• Questions help you shape and refine their thinking so that you can align the conversation to your strengths.
• You are likable and earn respect from the client.
• The client sees you as confident, empathic, and highly knowledgeable.
• Questions help you establish a relationship and show your commitment to helping them.

ADVANTAGES TO THE CLIENT

• An energized conversation creates an experience they feel good about and will remember.
• They get to talk about what is most important to them, and more importantly, they feel like they are heard and understood.
• The effect makes the idea of working with you more attractive and natural.

EXERCISES

1. ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS

A. Our brains cannot actively listen while also trying to figure out what to say or ask next. To help build your questioning skills, come up with 5-6 open-ended questions that are generic enough to be used in 80% of all meetings.

Use your own words, so they feel natural for you to deliver and sound natural to the listener.

B. Practice these aloud to yourself. Notice your pace and pauses. Does it feel authentic?

2. EARN THE RIGHT TO ASK QUESTIONS

A. For each of the open-ended questions you have written, preface it with a statement that explains to your client how they benefit from answering. Use one of these three techniques:

• Give them something to think about before the question.
• Provide context for the question.
• Lead with an observation and then ask them what they have heard or seen.

B. Practice these aloud. Does it feel natural and conversational?

3. ROLE-PLAY

Ask a coach or peer to role-play with you. They will assume the role of the client.

Ask them 1-2 of the 5-6 open-ended questions from Exercise 1 above (one at a time).

When they answer, listen with full engagement. Takes notes if needed.

Practice asking one or more follow-up questions.

Practice restating or rephrasing what you heard as a need.

It may feel clunky and awkward at first. That is the value of role-playing where we work out the kinks in a safe environment. With practice you will be able to ask questions and engage with more ease and fluidity.

RELATED LESSONS

Listening and Responding

Presence

Communication Skills

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